Your RDA of Irony

My Survival Instinct

We just went shopping for Hanukkah candles. For any Rothschilds here, you can purchase a box of 44 candles for as much as $6. For that kind of money, I would expect a personal appearance by the Messiah.

Of course, we planned to buy the brand that we have been purchasing since the Fall of the Temple. That box costs $2.59.

But we noticed a special offering a box for just fifty cents. My wife was about to buy them. However, being an irrepressible cynic, I ventured “They probably were made in China.”

Guess What! Yes, cynics are frequently right.

The idea of Chinese Hanukkah candles at first is amusing. Then, knowing the quality of Chinese products, it is quite intimidating. Who knows what surprise ingredients are in those Hanukkah candles? Napalm? Industrial waste? A buffet of carcinogenics?

For the extra two dollars, my wife and I preferred to stay alive.

  1. Bob Kincaid says:

    Hanukkah Roman Candles! What a novel idea.

    Given the rampant irony involved in Chinese manufacturing (date rape drug in childrens’ toys, anti-freeze in the toothpaste, lead in Barbie’s perky, um, parts) I can’t help thinking you made the right choice.

    They probably contain a chip that playes Die Panzerleid when you light them.

    Me, I saw some Chinese Hanukkah geld candy yesterday that was made in China. I don’t even want to think about what was in it. You’ve probably already done it for me in the time it took to read this.

  2. Alan Perlman says:

    What if they’re made of pork fat instead of wax? I wouldn’t put anything past the “heathen Chinee.”

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