Your RDA of Irony

Gidget Goes To Washington

WASHINGTON, Oct. 31 — In adamantly refusing to declare waterboarding illegal, Michael B. Mukasey, the nominee for attorney general, is steering clear of a potential legal quagmire for the Bush administration: criminal prosecution or lawsuits against Central Intelligence Agency officers who used the harsh interrogation practice and those who authorized it, legal experts said Wednesday.

The biggest problem for Mr. Mukasey remains his refusal to take a clear legal position on the interrogation technique.

Addressing the Judiciary Committee, Mr. Mukasey explained, “I am personally opposed to waterboarding because I look terrible in a bathing suit. However, Sandre Dee, Annette Funicello and Deborah Walley looked great. And James Darren and Frankie Avalon weren’t bad in their pre-toupee days. I would not condemn surfing per se, but would judge each of the beach movies on its individual merits.

Gidget is pretty good. And Gidget Goes Hawaiian is very enjoyable; if you don’t like Eddie Foy Jr. and Peggy Cass, you must be UnAmerican. Under no circumstance, are these beach movies a torture.

Beach Party is problematic. It is painful to see Dorothy Malone in such a dumb role; otherwise the film is okay. Regarding Muscle Beach Party, Bikini Beach and Beach Blanket Bingo , individually each is within the limits of the Geneva Convention. But a double feature could be torture. How to Stuff a Wild Bikini and The Ghost in the Invisible Bikini are crimes against humanity. And Harvey Lembeck is definitely a terrorist.”

  1. From Dave Traini, who is never at a loss for words but in this case found that Matthew Arnold said them first:

    Speaking of beaches, the incompetent Bush
    administration reminds me of this:

    And we are here as on a darkling plain
    Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight
    Where ignorant armies clash by night

    Matthew Arnold, Dover Beach

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