Your RDA of Irony

There Are No Second Acts in American Life, but Three Acts in a Farce

Alberto Gonzales achieved the American Dream. In any other society, in any time, he was only qualified to be your most embarrassing brother-in-law. But in the reign of George Bush disgraceful incompetence and appalling mendacity are the hallmarks of government; and Alberto Gonzales certainly set the standards.

Now, however the Attoady-General has resigned. The Japanese form of retirement would have been appropriate, but the shameless Mr. Gonzales evidently can live with himself. Furthermore, we only have Gonzales’ word for that he is resigning, and when has he ever been truthful? In fact, I think that this might be a trap. Ivan the Terrible once announced his intention to abdicate—and carefully noted anyone who didn’t protest.

Of course, I am probably being paranoid, which these days is the only sensible response.

Pretending that he is really leaving, l wonder how Mr. Gonzales will next apply his remarkable talents. Of course, he will get many lucrative offers to sit on corporate boards of directors. Think of his due diligence in supervising your retirement fund. (You are going to starve!) He now has the qualifications to be the Editor-in-Chief of the Wall Street Journal. Rupert Murdoch wants a butler, and Gonzales would have the most enthusiastic references on White House stationery. And the top universities certainly would have a man of his unique expertise, although he might be better at Yale Drama than Harvard Law.

But we know that he is not really leaving. Alberto Gonzales will be the first “recess appointment” to the Supreme Court.

P.S. According to the pundit chorus, Gonzales would be the first Hispanic justice of the Supreme Court. That might have surprised Benjamin Cardozo. His family lived in Spain for 13 centuries–even if they never were exactly conspicuous at daily mass. Indeed, the Cardozos would have stayed in Spain for another six centuries but for the decision of a conservative Supreme Court.

  1. Rene says:

    Kind of rude toward Yale drama, don’t you think?

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