Fodder of the Bride
Jenna Bush was in her customary pool of vomit when awakened to the announcement of her engagement.
“Oh, mommy, can’t I just get an abortion?”
“Not this time, dear. And please don’t let Uncle Neil do that again. By the way, if anyone asks, your fiance is named Henry Hager.”
“Who?”
“You remember Karl’s flunky. He is very accommodating. He was available to be Mary Cheney’s fiance, but Mary wouldn’t cooperate.”
“Why should I?”
“Daddy needs the good publicity. Karl says so. The media will be preoccupied with your choice of China patterns, so it won’t notice any distractions like…well, mentioning them only makes them real. Let’s not. And the Democrats will be afraid to say anything because we can accuse them of trying to spoil your wedding.”
“But, Mommy, I don’t want to. Why not Barbie?”
“Mr. Cheney and Alburrito think that she might be a Democrat. She may actually have learned something at Yale. We know that you can be trusted. And I am afraid that our only other choice would be killing your grandfather…and making it look like a liberal did it.”
“But what about Grandmommy?”
“Believe me, if she could be killed, I would have done it years ago.”
“No, Mommy, I meant that Grandmommy would be upset if we killed Pappy?
“Actually, she did object when Karl proposed the idea. She’ll only permit it if Jeb is running for president.”
Finally. Thankfully. Our man Eugene has pulled back the curtain on the Bush Family Process. Our debt grows.
DvdInTenn
A valuable service indeed. And here I thought these people were too stupid to be evil.
“OK, Mommy. But can it be Sammy Hager instead of Henry? I don’ wanna be merried to no Henry!”