Your RDA of Irony

The New Seven–or Five–Wonders of the World

Here are seven new clues for Jeopardy. What are—

Chichen Itza (Yucatan, Mexico)
Christ Redeemer (Rio de Janiero)
Colosseum (Rome)
Great Wall (China)
Machu Picchu (Peru)
Petra (Jordan)
Taj Mahal (Agra, India)

Of course, I know that you share my indignation over the omission of Disneyland. The world is just jealous!

I will admit that the Great Wall is impressive; it did succeed in keeping the Mexicans out. And I suppose that Machu Picchu was a prototype for Aspen, although archaeologists have yet to find the ski lifts.

But what is the big deal about the other so-called wonders? Chichen Itza only proves that the Japanese didn’t invent plagiarism; Egypt should sue. The Taj Mahal certainly could use some American ingenuity: we would have added a casino.

And it is too soon to declare the Colosseum a wonder! Shouldn’t we wait until it is finished? We could do that by just adding the facades from Petra. Of course, the Colosseum still would need some stellar entertainment. Rome doesn’t seem ready for baseball, so move the Christ Redeemer there. But first, the statue would have to be upgraded. We could turn it into a ride: a Holy Roller Coaster. Better yet, with a little help from Disney or Universal Studios, we can animate the statue so that it moves, talks and has scheduled fights with the Colosseum’ animatronic lions. So, we have combined three dubious wonders into one genuine tourist attraction.

True, we then would have only Five Wonders. So we would have to include Disneyland! As for the seventh, any nominations? .

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