News Summary
Item 1:
Touring Latin America, Pope Benedict XVI exclaimed that the Pre-Columbian peoples had longed for Christianity even if they had not realized it. He did not elaborate whether or not the Conquistadors really made ideal missionaries. In their unique form of evangelism, the Portuguese and especially the Spanish did tend to confuse swords with crosses, rape with communion, and slavery with bingo. The Pre-Columbian Americans might have unknowingly longed for Christianity but, if given the choice between the Conquistadors or Pope John XXIII, they gladly would have waited another 400 years.
Item 2:
Paul Wolfowitz will offer to resign as President of the World Bank, provided that the Bank’s Board begs him to stay. The Board members apparently must don sackcloth, stand barefooted on hot coals, and publicly proclaim that Wolfowitz is blameless and incapable of any scandals and ethical violations. Following self-flagellation and etching out the name Wolfowitz on their backs, the Board members must then beg “the God Paul” to stay even if he is too good for them. The Board will offer to rename the bank and put Wolfowitz’s face on the Euro. After this and another of 72 hours of public groveling, Wolfowitz will spit on each official and then abdicate.
In a related story, President Bush is expected to nominate one of his daughters as the next President of the World Bank. Bank officials are hoping that he picks the less drunk one.