Your RDA of Irony

The Passion of the Chrysler

Daimler-Benz, those delightful volk who added the blitz to krieg, is retreating from Detroitgrad.  Reflecting its more moderate approach to employee management, the German corporation will not be executing the American workers.  The employees probably won’t be that lucky. 

They are now in the claws of Cerberus, a private investment company named for the three-headed dog that guarded the gates of Hades.  That is not the most encouraging image.   You can imagine how Cerberus will streamline the company.  Wages will be cut, but employees will be allowed to live in unsold cars.  (And since everyone is now living at the plant, no one will mind working a few hours on Saturday and Sunday.)  Sanitation needs will be accommodated by Lake Erie.  The employees will be provided a new health care plan, consisting of Christian Science literature.

Now, who would you imagine to be the most incompetent, least credible person to head Cerberus?  Alberto Gonzales is currently busy–although there is always a seat for him on the Board of Directors.  No, it is John W. Snow who, as the Secretary of the Treasury, emphasized the toad in toady. 

He replaced Paul O’Neill, who possessed an inconvenient integrity and refused to play the demented cheerleader for Bush economics.  Snow had no such scruples.  He would never have passed a lie detector but he would have worn it out.  Snow could deny evidence, invert truth or concoct the most optimistic distortion of a disaster.  What deficits?  What scandals? 

So, under his inspired leadership, Cerberus will improve their cars’ gasoline mileage by putting the gas tank where the bumper used to be.  That certainly would discourage speeding.




  1. Alan Perlman says:

    Ah, for the old days of auto industry grandeur, when Michael Moore visited the GM Building seeking a walk-in meeting with Roger Smith, and execs flew in the corporate jet, laden with munchies and cold drinks.

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