Your RDA of Irony

My Kind of Town

You may have seen commercials with actor Jeff Daniels promoting Michigan and its wonderful climate for business.

I think that Chicago should try a similar tactic.  This city can’t live forever on the residuals from Al Capone, and we never got any for the atom bomb.  The question is which Chicago-born celebrity would be the perfect representative.  Jim Belushi might be the most authentic, but I am doubt many businesses would relocate based on his recommendations of the 50 best places to throw up. 

No, Chicago would want a more sophisticated appeal; and I can think of one of our natives who has it…

Of course, you know that I am John Malkevich.  If you don’t, go about your pathetic existence and let me speak to the sentient members of the audience.  I want to tell you about the wonderful opportunities awaiting you in Chicago.  Yes, like me, you would rather live in the south of France; but you can make a fortune here that would buy you a paradise in Provence.

Chicago is your kind of town for business.  Here I am at one of our totally mystifying and completely barbaric futures exchanges.  Yes, it is incomprehendible–and what better place to launder your money. 

Does your business need financing?  Here I am on Chicago’s Gold Coast, where you will find many lonely, rich widows.  With this city’s friendly spirit, you will not have any trouble talking your way into their apartments and lives. 

Do you need a creative means of transportation?  Chicago has alleys.  They are perfect for discreet entrances and impromptu exits. 

And even if worse comes to worse, you will appreciate Chicago’s convenient judicial system.  Cook County pays its jurors $17; I am sure that you could be more generous. 

So, if you are looking for a perfect climate for business, Chicago is your sociopath to success.



  1. Rene says:

    Wow! That’s a $2 improvement over Riverside County’s juror pay.

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