Apocrypha Now
St. Artemas
Feastday: January 25
Martyr of Pozzuoli, Italy. He is traditionally described as a teenage boy in the Roman Empire who was stabbed to death with iron pens by pagan school classmates.
Artemas prayed to get a perfect score on his trig test. The miracle was granted but it ruined the curve for everyone else. His martyrdom ensued immediately.
St. Artemas is the patron saint of adolescent geeks, the ones who eagerly accept celibacy and who belong to the high school Math Club.