Milan-entity
Posted on December 31st, 2007 in Uncategorized by Eugene Finerman ||
I was not named for St. Eugene but December 30th is his feast day. Here is what the Catholic Encyclopedia had to say about him.
St. Eugene
Feastday: December 30
unknownBishop of Milan, Italy, not documented at this time.
Well, that is edifying….Of course, I am relieved to know that he was not one of those medieval maniacs: “Converted Southern France by depopulating it.”
However, I do enjoy reading about the creative martyrdoms the exasperated Romans inflicted on those annoying saints. “Within three minutes of meeting Eugenius, Marcus Aurelius lost his temper and ordered that the complete works of Aristophanes be tattooed on the bishop’s tongue.”
Unfortunately, this Eugenius seems to be the patron saint of anonymity. Perhaps I can ghostwrite his hagiography, but Milan is not exactly an interesting place. If you had to have appendicitis in Italy, I really would recommend Milan; in Rome or Florence the doctors would take a three hour lunch in the middle of your surgery. (In Naples, the doctors would ship you to Rome or Florence…by bus.) Otherwise, Milan is just Zurich with pasta.
So, what could St. Eugenius have done there….
And, lo with one liter of gelato he did cure the models of Versace of anorexia.
December 31st, 2007 at 1:51 am
Me, I think he invented opera with his wailings as said tattoos were applied. La Scala was built on the site of the tattoo parlor.
“Scala” translates roughly as “staircase.” It may well be what St. Eugene was thrown down after suggesting pagan Italians eat a saltine that, he said, would turn into human flesh in their tum-tums.
Dang, Eugene! Let’s make up a new religion. It would appear to be a great racket!
I read that Paris Hilton’s grampa just gave away most of her inheritance. Maybe she could be our first martyr: St. Paris of OFF-the-Rack.
December 31st, 2007 at 1:08 pm
The point of this website is to create a cult…and maybe drum up some paying work, too. Even Jesus in the midst of his ministry would not have turned down an order for a credenza.
December 31st, 2007 at 2:06 pm
St. Eugenius met his martyrdom at the hands of executive assistants and v.p.s for communications, who irritated him to death with their emailed requests for editing out erudition, sarcasm, and any wit that was only be perceptible to someone who had come of age in the era of the landline. Thus, in the tradition of saints who came to sponsor those who happened to use professionally the instruments of their martyrdom (as the martyr who was tortured with shears became the patron saint of tailors), St. Eugenius became the patron saint of bloggers. Or maybe spammers.
December 31st, 2007 at 2:11 pm
p.s. Milan is actually Zurich with risotto– and not bad it is, too. I also like the placement of the Milan duomo, which is separated only by a big open plaza from the neon signs of the Milanese entertainment district. It’s as if Notre Dame cathedral were picked up and dropped in the Ginza.
January 6th, 2008 at 7:39 am
Sorry Eugene - your namesake seems to have been the Rodney Dangerfield of the sainted.