Posts Tagged ‘Vikings’

Viking Etiquette and Household Hints

Posted in English Stew, General on November 15th, 2015 by Eugene Finerman – 2 Comments

IKEA illustration FinishedLet’s solve a mystery. How can a club be both a social organization and a weapon? It actually is a case of mistaken identity that began in the Middle Ages. Old English and Old Norse are both Germanic languages. In addition to this lingual similarity, the Vikings could always make themselves understood. When a horde of warriors is sacking and slaughtering, you can usually interpret its mood and intent. One particular form of Viking expression was the “klubba”, a blunt, heavy weapon.

When a Viking wielded his club, his British victims felt a clump. In Old English “clump” literally meant lump or mass, but the word had several uses. It could refer to an accumulation or cluster of objects; in that context, we still refer to “a clump of dirt” or “a clump of trees.” Unfortunately, a clump could also describe the mass of wood in the Viking arsenal, or the lumps it caused. Since club and clump had similar sounds and overlapping definitions, the words eventually became confused and interchangeable. Clump acquired a heavy, creepy context, while a club could be an innocuous collection.

England in the late 17th century was a wonderful time for debauchery, and the diction was as lax as the morals. When people, bound by a common interest or vice, gathered together these associations now were called clubs. Three centuries later we’re stuck with that mistake. If there had only more regard for proper English, your insurance agent would be a member of the Rotary Clump.

II.  Another Gift from the Vikings

With their effusive nature, the Vikings gave our language such words as slaughter, wreck, kidnap and-of course-club. In rare instances, however, our Viking vocabulary does not pertain to a crime. Consider the word window. It is from the Old Norse term vindauga and means “wind eye.”

But how did vindauga become our prevalent word for a scenic hole in a wall?

Of course, modern Scandinavians are renowned for furniture, but their Viking ancestors never showed any flair for interior design. There was no medieval Ikea. The Viking expressed his aesthetics by what he stole. In the ninth century the Norsemen so enjoyed looting England that they decided to seize the entire country. They nearly succeeded, overrunning Northern and Eastern England. But for King Alfred rallying the English in a last-ditch battle (and earning himself “the Great”), today Lundholm might be the capital of Anglemark.

The Vikings had been thwarted but they still controlled almost half of England. They could enjoy it and settle down. The Vikings acquired English wives–often over the bodies of English husbands–and began to assimilate. With varying degrees of sincerity, they converted to Christianity. (Odin and Thor had let them down.) This domestication was aided by the similarity between Norse and Old English.

For instance, the Angle-Saxon lived in a hus, walked through a dor, over a flor and into a rum. The Viking then stormed that huis, kicked in a dyrr, stomped the florr and into a ruim. Translation was hardly needed. When there were distinct differences in the vocabularies, the Norse sometimes adopted the English word. The Vikings found the English weall easy to breach but irresistible to say. However, the Norse were not so accommodating over what to call the scenic hole in the weall.

The Angle-Saxon called it an eyethurl, which means “eye hole.” Perhaps the Norse found it difficult to pronounce or lacking in poetry. They insisted on calling the disputed aperture a windauga, and bullies do have a certain power of persuasion. Eastern England called it that, and western England probably thought it wasn’t worth a fight.

Leif Ericson Day

Posted in General, On This Day on October 9th, 2011 by Eugene Finerman – Be the first to comment

October 9, 1003:  Leif Ericson Lands in North America and Earns a Holiday in Minnesota

The Vikings are notorious for their vices, but they apparently possessed one fatal virtue: hygiene. Whether it was their fondness for saunas or the antiseptic cold of Greenland, the Vikings’ cleanliness ruined their chance to colonize North America. Starting with Leif Ericson in 1000, the Norse attempted to settle “Vinland.” Of course, the original inhabitants objected but the Vikings were never shy about other people’s property. Beyond their extrovert personalities, the Norse also had the tactical advantages of iron and steel armaments. The native American arsenal was still in the stone age. Nonetheless, the sheer number of the natives (Skraeling was the Viking name for them) made the prospect of slaughtering them rather demoralizing. And the Vikings’ damn hygiene eliminated the most effective weapon for depopulation: disease.

The Norse had nothing to infect their opponents, not a single small pox to share. Even their livestock was healthy. The “Skraelings” would have had no resistance to European germs; measles would have been a fatal plague. The Vikings then could have had Vinland to themselves. Just imagine how history would have changed: North America could have been one vast Minnesota. But the Vikings were too clean to succeed.

The Skraelings had a 500-year reprieve before they were introduced to the Spanish, French, English and small pox.

The Norse Code

Posted in General on October 10th, 2010 by Eugene Finerman – 4 Comments

Hollywood has always defeated the Vikings. There has yet to be a good movie about the Norse adventurers and marauders.

(No, you can’t count “The Virgin Spring.” Bergmann’s film is set at a time contemporary to the last Vikings, but it deals with the sedate Scandinavians. These are the ones who stay home, make Lutefisk and observe the new, allegedly more passive theology.)

I have seen four films that attempt to be Viking sagas.

The 13th Warrior might actually be a docu-drama: the truth behind “Beowulf”! A troupe of Norse warriors, accompanied by an Arab chronicler (Antonio Banderas who apparently can’t pass as a Dane), contend with a horde of cannibal troglodytes. In a meticulous observance of historical detail, none of the troglodytes are wearing Nascar decals. The battle scenes are good but the film has the subtlety of Cliffs Notes. For instance, the troglodytes are called the Wendols; gee, doesn’t that sound like Grendel! All these comparisons will be pounded into your head–so now you won’t have to read “Beowulf”.

The Long Ships has Richard Widmark as a brave but luckless Viking hoping to repay his debts by finding/stealing a fabulous treasure: the world’s largest solid gold bell. Apparently, everyone else has lost track of the bell, so it is just awaiting Widmark to collect it. However, the sight of a Viking fleet off North Africa does get the attention of the local Emir, played by a humorless Sidney Poitier who obviously is furious at his agent. The Saracens will vie and fight with the Vikings over who gets the treasure. And you will marvel at your stamina, watching the film while muttering “this is so stupid.”

“Eric the Viking” is actually a theological comedy, the saga of the title character’s visit to Valhalla. Written and directed by Terry Jones, this “Grim Pillage Progress” really is only one-fifth as good as Monty Python.  However, there is a very interesting explanation of the Norse Gods: they are vicious children.    That could be the most rational explanation of most theology.

And finally, there is that epic of miscasting “The Vikings” with Issur Demsky and Bernard Schwartz leading the Norsemen. Landing on the lower east side of Old York, in their dragonhead pushcarts….Actually, that would have been more believable. Perhaps Issur could pass for a Kirk Douglas or even a Viking; but Bernard? If there is ever a Tony Curtis Museum of Elocution, the shrine must include his invocation of “Toar” and “Oodun”.

If anyone here has seen a good Viking film, I await your review.

Yugin of the Arched Eyebrow

The Rake’s Progress–or The Road to Rune

Posted in General on April 17th, 2010 by Eugene Finerman – 1 Comment

Husbands throughout the Northern Hemisphere now may be confronted with a new reason for doing the yardwork. A Viking treasure might be waiting. Recently, a little yardwork uncovered more than 1,000 silver coins from the 10th century. Of course, that was more likely to happen in Gotland, Sweden than in Northbrook, Illinois but your wife will still hand you a rake.

The coins were Arabic. Indulging in modern stereotypes, we might imagine some emir flinging a fortune at Scandinavian blondes. In fact, that treasure hoard more likely was a Viking’s retirement fund, the measure of a life of successful looting.

Western Europe is familiar with the Danish and Norwegian Vikings; victims tend to remember. However, the Swedish Vikings were not exactly vying for the Nobel Peace Prize. In fact, they made their western cousins seem like underachievers. The Norwegians grabbed Normandy and Scotland. The Danes overran Ireland and England. That was not trivial; they could write home about that if postcards came in Runic. But the Swedish Vikings took over Russia!

Known by the Slavic pronunciation as Varangians, they in fact created Russia in the 9th century, merging the independent tribes into one nation. Any Slavic reluctance succumbed to Viking persuasion. However, it really was not much of a nation. The Varangians united the country only to divide it up among themselves, and they had no reason to trust each. Nonetheless, even thieves need a sense of etiquette, and the chief thief was acknowledged as the Great Prince of Kiev. The names of the first Great Princes reflect their Viking origin: Rurik, Oleg and Ingmar. (Then came Svaitoslav; by the fourth generation some assimilation was inevitable.)

Ruling Russia was pleasant and profitable, but the Vikings were never known for their complacency. There was a particular temptation directly to the South: the Byzantine Empire. Byzantium was the greatest and richest civilization in medieval Christendom. The Vikings were not really interested in illuminated manuscripts except to rip off the gold leaf, but all that gold leaf was incentive enough.

Oleg and Svaitoslav launched attacks on the Byzantine Empire. Oleg lived to regret it; Svaitoslav did not. It turned out that the Byzantines could defend themselves. Some of their erudition was very practical, especially a form of napalm known as Greek Fire. It incinerated Oleg’s fleet, further blackening the Black Sea.

After those debacles, the Vikings came to a depressing realization. If they wanted Constantinople’s gold, they would have earn it through honest labor. Fortunately, there was a market for Viking prowess in the Byzantine army. Indeed, that army offered a very promising career: good pay and ample opportunities for loot, and the decadent delight of spending it in the most luxurious city in the world. Hearing of such lucrative opportunities. many young men ventured from Scandinavia to make the very long journey to Constantinople. The Byzantine Army soon had thousands of Viking recruits who were organized into the Varangian Guard.

I would guess that the recently discovered trove of Arab coins had belonged to a veteran of the Varangian Guard. In the tenth century, the Byzantine Empire was expanding at the expense of the bordering Arab states, reconquering territory it had lost in the seventh century. Antioch was one of the great cities of Antiquity, and it still was tempting by medieval standards. When the city was captured by the Byzantines, there must have been a lot to loot.

Perhaps one Varangian guard discovered, stole or extorted 1000 silver coins as the victors ran amok. Of course, he would be expected to share with his fellow soldiers; but if he didn’t, he had all the more reason to move back to Scandinavia. With that fortune, he could retire in luxury.

Ironically, he evidently did not. Aside from the usual slaughter among vying nobles, tenth century Scandinavia was rift by a new reason for war: religion. Pagans and Christians were applying Viking means to debate theology. Although the Christians obviously had the last word, it was a long and heated debate. Our Varangian veteran (who had to become a nominal Christian to enlist in the Byzantine army) eventually was caught in this turmoil. He buried his treasure but apparently did not live to retrieve it.

In hindsight, he probably would have been better off spending the fortune in Constantinople, carousing among women of rentable affection. But then today we would not have this inspiring reason for yardwork.

The Unready

Posted in General on November 13th, 2009 by Eugene Finerman – 2 Comments

November 13, 1002:  A Memorable Way to Celebrate St. Brice’s Day

If you are not fluent in medieval English puns, the name of Aethelred the Unready sounds rather endearing. The Angle-Saxon English king might seem a vacillating, knee-knocking fumbler.   In fact, Aethelred was an assertive, bold catastrophe. Whatever his royal ancestors had built and achieved over 150 years, Aethelred sabotaged and destroyed. Had he anticipated his great-great grandson, Alfred the Great would have had a vasectomy. Alfred had saved a ravaged England from the Vikings, and created the foundation of a prosperous kingdom; Aethelred did exactly the opposite.

Names do have meaning; no one thought of Aethelred for its lilting sound. In Olde Anglische, Aethelred means “well-counselled” , prudent or wise. So, as any medieval Englishman could tell you, “unready” means uncounselled or reckless. Adding the epithet of Unready to Athelred was an editorial pun. (It also demonstrates why English humor is best left to the Irish.)

Aethelred ascended the English throne in 978 at the age of ten, over the body of his half-brother. Aethelred’s mother had arranged that assassination; after all, he was only a stepson. (In posthumous compensation, the late king received a complimentary sainthood; the evil queen mother was also a generous benefactor to the Church, so presumably everyone benefited from the regicide.)

At the time, England was a prosperous country. The same could not be said of Denmark. Its King, Sweyn Forkbeard, had to pay tribute to the Holy Roman Emperor. Sweyn’s father, Harald Bluetooth, was unique among Viking raiders in that he actually lost battles. After some disastrous campaigns in Germany, Bluetooth could save his skin only by converting to Christianity and coughing up annual compensation to the Kaiser. Sweyn may have inherited better teeth but he was stuck with his father’s debts. So to pay the German tribute, Sweyn decided to extort tribute from England.

Beginning in 980 what would become an annual tradition, the Danish fleet would arrive in England, brushing aside the always inadequate defense, and rampaging until a satisfactory ransom was paid. Young Aethelred was no military prodigy; his attempts at battles were invariably defeats. He found it easier to amass tax collectors than an army. Gouging England to pay the Vikings’ tribute did not endear Aethelred to his subjects. So he took the precaution of hiring Danish bodyguards. (Of course, that required even more taxes.)

In 1002, however, Aethelred finally decided to free his kingdom from this Danish subjugation. On November 13th–St. Brice’s Day—he undertook this liberation by ordering the massacre of every Dane in England. The Vikings fleet had already returned home, so the Danes remaining in England were just merchants, artisans and tourists. At least Aethelred found Danes whom he could defeat. Hundreds were slaughtered. This certainly was Aethelred’s greatest victory, but was it really that decisive?

To put it in a modern context, imagine if the United States decided to solve our trade imbalance with China by ordering an attack on every P.F. Chang’s. Would the prospect of hundreds of dead waiters really force China to capitulate? Aethelred’s strategy actually did make an impression on Sweyn Forkbeard. One of the massacred Danes happened to be his sister. Sweyn now was determined to overthrow Aethelred.

It took 11 years but the next king of England was named Knut, a nice Danish name. Knut–alias Canute–was Sweyn’s son. As for Aethelred, he was spending his exile with in-laws in Normandy, a family connection that would assert itself in 1066. Any English resistance was left to his son, Edmund Ironside. Aethelred died of natural causes in 1016; his son managed to regain the English throne for a few months while Knut was busy in Denmark seizing that throne. Of course, upon Knut’s return, so did the English habit of losing. Edmund soon died; and very few think that it was from a natural cause. (One prurient theory postures that he was killed in a privy; apparently, his ironside did not extend all the way down.)

And for the happy ending, Canute proved an excellent king.

The Unready

Posted in General, On This Day on November 14th, 2007 by Eugene Finerman – Be the first to comment

If you are not fluent in 11th century English puns, the name of Aethelred the Unready sounds rather endearing. The Angle-Saxon English king might seem a vacillating, knee-knocking fumbler, the role model of Senator Harry Reid. In fact, Aethelred was an assertive, bold catastrophe. Whatever his royal ancestors had built and achieved over 150 years, Aethelred sabotaged and destroyed. Had he anticipated his great-great grandson, Alfred the Great would have had a vasectomy. Alfred had saved a ravaged England from the Vikings, and created the foundation of a prosperous kingdom; Aethelred did exactly the opposite.

Names do have meaning; no one thought of Aethelred for its lilting sound. In Olde Anglische, Aethelred means “well-counselled” , prudent or wise. So, as any medieval Englishman could tell you, “unready” means uncounselled or reckless. Adding the epithet of Unready to Athelred was an editorial pun. (It also demonstrates why English humor is best left to the Irish.)

Aethelred ascended the English throne in 978 at the age of ten, over the body of his half-brother. Aethelred’s mother had arranged that assassination; after all, he was only a stepson. (In posthumous compensation, the late king received a complimentary sainthood; the evil queen mother was also a generous benefactor to the Church, so presumably everyone benefited from the regicide.)

At the time, England was a prosperous country. The same could not be said of Denmark. Its King, Sweyn Forkbeard, had to pay tribute to the Holy Roman Emperor. Sweyn’s father, Harald Bluetooth, was unique among Viking raiders in that he actually lost battles. After some disastrous campaigns in Germany, Bluetooth could save his skin only by converting to Christianity and coughing up annual compensation to the Kaiser. Sweyn may have inherited better teeth but he was stuck with his father’s debts. So to pay the German tribute, Sweyn decided to extort tribute to England.

Beginning in 980 what would become an annual tradition, the Danish fleet would arrive in England, brushing aside the always inadequate defense, and rampaging until a satisfactory ransom was paid. Young Aethelred was no military prodigy; his attempts at battles were invariably defeats. He found it easier to amass tax collectors than an army. Gouging England to pay the Vikings’ tribute did not endear Aethelred to his subjects. So he took the precaution of hiring Danish bodyguards. (Of course, that required even more taxes.)

In 1002, however, Aethelred finally decided to free his kingdom from this Danish subjugation. On November 13th–St. Brice’s Day—he undertook this liberation by ordering the massacre of every Dane in England. The Vikings fleet had already returned home, so the Danes remaining in England were just merchants, artisans and tourists. At least Aethelred found Danes whom he could defeat. Hundreds were slaughtered. This certainly was Aethelred’s greatest victory, but was it really that decisive?

To put it in a modern context, imagine if the United States decided to solve our trade imbalance with China by ordering an attack on every P.F. Chang’s. Would the prospect of hundreds of dead waiters really force China to capitulate? Aethelred’s strategy actually did make an impression on Sweyn Forkbeard. One of the massacred Danes happened to be his sister. Sweyn now was determined to overthrow Aethelred.

It took 11 years but the next king of England was named Knut, a nice Danish name. Knut–alias Canute–was Sweyn’s son. As for Aethelred, he was spending his exile with in-laws in Normandy, a family connection that would assert itself in 1066. Any English resistance was left to his son, Edmund Ironside. Aethelred died of natural causes in 1016; his son managed to regain the English throne for a few months while Knut was busy in Denmark seizing that throne. Of course, upon Knut’s return, so did the English habit of losing. Edmund soon died; and very few think that it was from a natural cause. (One prurient theory postures that he was killed in a privy; apparently, his ironside did not extend all the way down.)

And for the happy ending, Canute proved an excellent king.

Valhalliday

Posted in General on September 28th, 2007 by Eugene Finerman – Be the first to comment

I just received a letter from “Viking Cruises” asking me to fill out a survey. Perusing the questions, I was so disappointed that they just don’t make Vikings like they used to. I was not asked my favorite weapons or the last time I sacked an Irish monastery. Nor could I imagine Hrolf the Gangly, Eric Bloodaxe or Sweyn Forkbeard asking:

What do you most enjoy about cruising?

a. Unpacking just once and visiting several cities
b. Gourmet meals with regional specialties
c. Socializing with fellow travelers

Christianity certainly had a pacifying influence on Scandinavia. (It had just the opposite effect in Spain, Ireland and the Republican party.) Who would want to go on a vacation with Sorin Kierkegaard?

So here are the type of questions that I would expect from “Viking Cruises“. (I have translated them for those who can’t read runes.)

1. An ideal Viking cruise would go to:
a. Countries that are defenseless
b. Countries with no extradition
c. All of the above

2. Whom would you rather carry off to Iceland?
a. A young Maureen O’Hara
b. A young Catherine Deneuve
c. Even an old Catherine Deneuve

What do you enjoy most about cruising?
a. Unpacking just once and sacking several cities
b. Gourmet meals with regional specialties because that always makes disemboweling more interesting
c. Socializing with fellow sociopaths: the maraud the merrier!

The Rake’s Progress: or the Road to Runes

Posted in General on November 4th, 2006 by Eugene Finerman – Be the first to comment

Husbands throughout the Northern Hemisphere now may be confronted with a new reason for doing the yardwork. A Viking treasure might be waiting. Last Monday a little yardwork uncovered more than 1,000 silver coins from the 10th century. Of course, that was more likely to happen in Gotland, Sweden than in Northbrook, Illinois but your wife will still hand you a rake.

The coins were Arabic. Indulging in modern stereotypes, we might imagine some emir flinging a fortune at Scandinavian blondes. In fact, that treasure hoard more likely was a Viking’s retirement fund, the measure of a life of successful looting.

Western Europe is familiar with the Danish and Norwegian Vikings; victims tend to remember. However, the Swedish Vikings were not exactly vying for the Nobel Peace Prize. In fact, they made their western cousins seem like underachievers. The Norwegians grabbed Normandy and Scotland. The Danes overran Ireland and England. That was not trivial; they could write home about that if postcards came in Runic. But the Swedish Vikings took over Russia!

Known by the Slavic pronunciation as Varangians, they in fact created Russia in the 9th century, merging the independent tribes into one nation. Any Slavic reluctance succumbed to Viking persuasion. However, it really was not much of a nation. The Varangians united the country only to divide it up among themselves, and they had no reason to trust each. Nonetheless, even thieves need a sense of etiquette, and the chief thief was acknowledged as the Grand Duke of Kiev. The names of the first Grand Dukes reflect their Viking origin: Rurik, Oleg and Ingmar. (Then came Svaitoslav; by the fourth generation some assimilation was inevitable.)

Ruling Russia was pleasant and profitable, but the Vikings were never known for their complacency. There was a particular temptation directly to the South: the Byzantine Empire. Byzantium was the greatest and richest civilization in medieval Christendom. The Vikings were not really interested in illuminated manuscripts except to rip off the gold leaf, but all that gold leaf was incentive enough.

Oleg and Svaitoslav launched attacks on the Byzantine Empire. Oleg lived to regret it; Svaitoslav did not. It turned out that the Byzantines could defend themselves. Some of their erudition was very practical, especially a form of napalm known as Greek Fire. It incinerated Oleg’s fleet, further blackening the Black Sea.

After those debacles, the Vikings came to a depressing realization. If they wanted Constantinople’s gold, they would have earn it through honest labor. Fortunately, there was a market for Viking prowess in the Byzantine army. Indeed, that army offered a very promising career: good pay and ample opportunities for loot, and the decadent delight of spending it in the most luxurious city in the world. Hearing of such lucrative opportunities. many young men ventured from Scandinavia to make the very long journey to Constantinople. The Byzantine Army soon had thousands of Viking recruits who were organized into the Varangian Guard.

I would guess that the recently discovered trove of Arab coins had belonged to a veteran of the Varangian Guard. In the tenth century, the Byzantine Empire was expanding at the expense of the bordering Arab states, reconquering territory it had lost in the seventh century. Antioch was one of the great cities of Antiquity, and it still was tempting by medieval standards. When the city was captured by the Byzantines, there must have been a lot to loot.

Perhaps one Varangian guard discovered, stole or extorted 1000 silver coins as the victors ran amok. Of course, he would be expected to share with his fellow soldiers; but if he didn’t, he had all the more reason to move back to Scandinavia. With that fortune, he could retire in luxury.

Ironically, he evidently did not. Aside from the usual slaughter among vying nobles, tenth century Scandinavia was rift by a new reason for war: religion. Pagans and Christians were applying Viking means to debate theology. Although the Christians obviously had the last word, it was a long and heated debate. Our Varangian veteran (who had to become a nominal Christian to enlist in the Byzantine army) eventually was caught in this turmoil. He buried his treasure but apparently did not live to retrieve it.

In hindsight, he probably would have been better off spending the fortune in Constantinople, carousing among women of rentable affection. But then today we would not have this inspiring reason for yardwork.