Posts Tagged ‘Switzerland’

Inherit the Windbag

Posted in General on August 10th, 2013 by Eugene Finerman – 2 Comments

Oprah Gets Swiss Apology for Being Treated Like A Tourist

With Switzerland’s existence in peril, a representative of the Tourist Board begged to explain why a sales clerk would be rude to Ms. Winfrey.  “You must understand.  Geneva is really French, and they are rude to everyone.  That would not have happened in Zurich.  We never question anyone here.  Ask Martin Bormann.  The old gentleman still pays his chalet mortgage in gold teeth.”

For an apology, the Swiss only have tax evasion and renamed mountains to offer the indignant Ms. Winfrey.  She apparently has no interest in Roger Federer.   Perhaps its blandness may spare the country the fate of France.  The curriculum of West Point now includes a course on Oprah’s tactics.   As you may recall, the Paris manager of Hermes refused to let Oprah in after the store had closed. Oprah then announced her intention to destroy France.

France immediately capitulated. Le President  groveled, “Heroic resistance to a demanding barbarian is completely out of French character. We will gladly change Hermes’ store hours to collaborate with Ms. Winfrey.”

In related atonement, the French government offered to move the Eiffel Tower to suit Oprah’s feng shui. Complying with her demand, Napoleon’s Tomb was opened so that she could “give the little fellow a hug.” Oprah, however, was disappointed with the accommodations of Notre Dame. The baptismal font was too small for a bath and Oprah did not like the scent of the candles.  In its repentance, the Church announced that Notre Dame referred to Oprah.  That pleased her.

Ms. Winfrey has offered Switzerland “a teaching moment.”  Her invitation to fly the entire Swiss population to Chicago is hoped to be a friendly gesture.