Posts Tagged ‘NBC’

Scheduling the News

Posted in General on December 27th, 2009 by Eugene Finerman – Be the first to comment

December 27, 2007:  Benazir Bhutto Apparently Assassinated

There was a general consensus that she was dead, but some question remained as to the method.  Was it a bomb, bullets or–as the ever-reliable Pakistani Ministry of Interior reported–a bad bump?  And since Ms. Bhutto was a Harvard graduate, perhaps she was just being ironic.  Her incredibly sleazy (even by the standards of your worst brother-in-law) husband refused to permit an autopsy.  He is now President of Pakistan.

If he found her death convenient, NBC did not.  Rather than disrupt its scheduled programming that morning, the network extended the life of Benazir Bhutto by one hour.  The Today Show did not want any distraction from its holiday theme. ABC’s Good Morning America could delay an interview with a veterinarian and his pet pug to report on Bhutto’s murder and its calamitous implications. BUT NBC’s audience saw Ann Curry’s interview with an “inspirational” basketball coach, followed by her visit with a chef and then a profound discussion with Willard Scott about “being home for the holidays.”

Really, the Today Show could have shown a little journalistic responsibility, and tried integrating the news into the show. For instance, Willard Scott could have announced, “And guess who now won’t be 100 years young!” Perhaps Ann Curry could have asked the guest chef, “Do you know any Moslem funeral dishes?”

Finally, at 9 a.m. Central Time, NBC decided that Benazir Bhutto’s current health was worth mentioning. Her death was one of three reported stories, the other two being a tiger attack in San Francisco and “a miracle rescue” of an 12 year-old American girl in Panama.

Now Benazir Bhutto was officially dead–at a convenient time.

NBC’s Persecution of John McCain

Posted in General on August 19th, 2008 by Eugene Finerman – Be the first to comment

McCain Campaign Attacks Bias of NBC

To prove NBC’s continuous discrimination against Senator John McCain, the Republican campaign presented the following examples:

Senator McCain has never been asked to portray a judge, witness or corpse on “Law and Order.”

Senator McCain was turned down for a role in “The Man From U.N.C.L.E.” The role went to a younger man: Leo G. Carroll.

Although Senator McCain never appeared on “The Cosby Show”, neither Phylicia Rashād nor Lisa Bonet publicly denied that he was the father of a black child.

Despite John McCain’s comparable academic record, “The Today Show” hired J. Fred Muggs as its anthropoid correspondent.

J. Fred Muggs–McCain’s Vice Presidential Choice?

Why not? Mr. Muggs is 56 and certainly would have a broader appeal to youth. Like McCain, Muggs is known to have a temper–and once reportedly bit Martha Raye. However, Mr. Muggs was never verbally abusive. Cindy McCain should be so lucky.

Senator McCain and Mr. Muggs have similar long-playing records. As a former inmate of zoos, Mr. Muggs frequently refers to himself as a prisoner-of-war–whether or not it is relevant to the conversation.

Although Mr. Muggs is not–yet–a registered Republican, he shares many of the party’s values. He enjoys global warming and strongly supports banana republics. Mr. Muggs also questions evolution and certainly disputes its efficacy.

Our Yenta in Art in Heaven

Posted in General on June 21st, 2008 by Eugene Finerman – Be the first to comment

Notre Dame, NBC agree to 5-year deal through 2015

In what may be the hiring coup of the millennium, NBC will have the political insights, the theological gossip and the Jewish mothering of the Virgin Mary. The ancient lady will be NBC’s equivalent to Barbara Walters.

The introductory reception featured fish and loaves. “Jeshie used my recipe,” exclaimed His Mother who insisted that everyone called Her Miriam. “Virgin sounds much too formal. After all, I’m not Oprah.”

People noted her excellent command of English. She was asked if she had picked up the language from watching reruns of Fulton J. Sheen. “No, dahling. I was personally taught by Mr. Shakespeare. But first I made him apologize for that nasty “Merchant of Venice.”

Addressing rumors, NBC denied that Miriam would not have a talk show on CNBC.  “It just wouldn’t work,” explained a spokesman. “No one would want to lie to Her, so no one would come on the show.”

The stock market rallied on the news of the deal. Analysts noted that the Second Coming now definitely would not occur before 2015. “Jesus isn’t going to throw his mother out of work.”