Posts Tagged ‘middle names’

President Sidney

Posted in General on June 30th, 2008 by Eugene Finerman – Be the first to comment

Barack Hussein Obama must be a Moslem because of his middle name. Using that same irrefutable criterion, one must conclude that John Sidney McCain is Jewish. Just say the name Sidney and you conjure the images of a schlub accountant, a wisecracking deli man, or the retired garment worker in Florida. What do they have in common? Certainly not a foreskin.

Yes, I know that Sidney McCain does not look Jewish. But neither did Kirk Douglas until he turned 75. (So any minute now….) And the evidence is already there: Oy, is he a Sidney! Consider his campaign pledges. He denounces pork barrel legislation; so what has he got against pork? He also promises to cut government spending: the man just does not want to pay retail. As for his personal life, the stereotype holds true: his second wife is a younger, blonde shiksa. And what real Gentile would willingly hang around Joseph Lieberman? (Even we Jews are tempted to give the little nebbish a wedgie and steal his lunch money.)

Now that the world knows the truth, beware of a President Sidney. Would you want to see state dinners replaced by Sunday brunches? Do you want “The Star Spangled Banner” to be replaced by a Gershwin tune, even if it is easier to sing? (“Strike Up the Band” sounds patriotic but “I Got Plenty of Nuttin’ would be a more accurate state of the union.) Would you want an America run like a Hollywood studio? Well, that actually might be an improvement. If only we could be sure that Sidney McCain were as good as Louis B. Mayer.