FinermanWorks

On the August 4 edition of his nationally syndicated radio program, Michael Savage declared that “The Statue of Liberty is crying, she’s been raped and disheveled — raped and disheveled by illegal aliens.”

Of course, it is a relief to know that those illegal aliens are heterosexuals. Just imagine if it were otherwise, and what those illegal aliens might be doing to Mount Rushmore. Mount Rushmore is a location, not a proposition! Thank our straight God that Gutzon Borglum only sculpted the Presidents from their necks up; no need for that extra temptation.

NEWS: The Italian government is deploying soldiers on city streets to combat crime.

Unfortunately, being the Italian army, it already has been mugged and robbed.

Of course, as any tourist can tell you, being robbed in Italy is part of the itinerary. The genius of Italian art lives on in any restaurant bill. Observe how the waiter has drawn a three to look like an eight, or a two to pass for a nine; so a bill for 23 Euros might be mistaken for 28. The waiter certainly hopes so. In my case, I avoided the trap. I knew what the bill was supposed to be; there are advantages to being cheap and paranoid. Leaving the correct amount, I looked the waiter in the eye. He smiled and shrugged, as if to say “You caught me; so what! There is always another tourist.”

But I can’t say that I left Italy unscathed. (Only the Visigoths and Vandals can make that claim.) No, I made the mistake of expecting change from a Rome cabdriver. He decided that a 11000 lira fare deserved a 9000 lira tip. (That would be an $18 fare and a $15 gratuity). When I demanded the change, he returned a 1000 lira note. So I refused to leave the cab. He drove the car into an intersection, got out and proceeded to yell aloud. I surmise that he was not praising me. A crowd of Italians gathered around the cab, and those who spoke English wanted to know why I was causing trouble. I told them the details and how I did not want to be cheated.

But my audience was not sympathetic to the plight of the robbed tourist. In fact, I was told, “This is Italy. When you’re in America, you can cheat us.” So I evidently was in breach of social etiquette. To resist theft would be unforgivably rude.

Do remember that when you are in Italy.

Well, Hollywood has yet to discover me–except Jeopardy–but I now have premiered on YouTube. Bob Kincaid, the versatile host of Head-On Radio, has given voice and visuals to “How Michael Savage Would Have Explained the Bubonic Plague“.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ss2p4t_E8c&feature=email

Enjoy it. And I certainly won’t mind if you give the presentation an outstanding rating. (Consider your arm twisted.)

If you’ve heard one town crier, you’ve heard them all: claiming a possible link between flea-infested rats and the bubonic plague. Some of you, in a panic over these wild rumors, might consider practicing hygiene. That is your choice. No one, however, should force you to be clean. Your filth is your right, and the facts are on your side.

Just consider these questions.

I. Is there really a bubonic plague?

Perhaps, half of the people in your village have suddenly died. Does that coincidence make it a plague? Did you check every corpse for boils? Of course not. So, why blame a disease, when the cause could have been a witch’s curse or the Jews poisoning the wells?

As for the rumors of the alleged plague devastating all of Christendom, how can you believe anything that troubadours sing? They indulge in gossip and sensationalism; what a sad commentary on the 14th century that a once honorable profession has strayed from entertainment into journalism.

II. Is there a link between vermin and disease?

According to tentative preliminary speculation, some Moorish doctors in Spain have noticed a correlation between their personal hygiene and their patients’ survival. These findings may only indicate that doctors are unhealthy for patients. Furthermore, the research was conducted by heathens who, in any case, are going to burn in Hell.

A study of history would refute any connection between hygiene and health. Methusaleh never bathed and lived to be 969 years old; Nero bathed and died at 31. In our own times, many sainted hermits have lived more than 80 years, garbed only in their lice.

III. Are rats and fleas unhealthy?

On the contrary, they are essential to your spiritual and physical well-being. The presence of rats means the absence of cats, those familiars of Satan. Every rat in your home is a guardian angel.

Fleas are invaluable in drawing off the foul humors of the blood. Without those beneficial bites, you would die of vapors or require the emergency application of leeches. And just imagine how expensive healthcare would be without fleas.

IV. What is the real motive behind the Hygiene Lobby?

Hygiene is an unnatural act, but we can respect a person’s right to indulge in it in private. If we can tolerate their fetish, however, they should not begrudge us our natural state. Why are they trying to force hygiene on us?

It certainly is not for our own good. If there were a moral justification for hygiene, baptism would be as frequent as mass. In fact, hygiene is part of an alien agenda to subvert and replace our society. The type of people, who want you to be clean, also want you to be literate. Feudalism isn’t good enough for them; they want a Renaissance, and these neo-pagans intend to clean your body and clutter your mind. Don’t let them.