Posts Tagged ‘June 28’

On This Day in 1914: Great Moments in Public Relations

Posted in General, On This Day on June 28th, 2009 by Eugene Finerman – 5 Comments

June 28, 1914: Belgrade

The Serbian Press Secretary opened the news conference with this statement.

“The Serbian government was sad to learn that the Archduke Franz Ferdinand and his wife the Archduchess Sophie shot each other today. We wish that they had found a more peaceful way to solve their marital problems.”

I will now answer your questions.

Reporter: Eyewitnesses report that the couple was assassinated by a terrorist linked to Serbia. Is the Serbian government denying any connection to this terrorist organization?

Spokesmanvic: There have been so many assassinations and it is just pointless and malicious to allege that this government had any knowledge, link or responsibility for the murder of President McKinley.

Reporter: The Austrian government is accusing Serbia of supporting terrorists.

Spokesmanvic: Look, this “event” probably was a carjacking that got out of hand. If the conspiracy-paranoids in Austria need a culprit, they should accuse Mexico. There is no question that the Mexicans killed the Archduke Maximilian, and a Chicano street gang may have killed Franz Ferdinand as a member initiation.

Reporter: I’m Clive Murdoch of the Melbourne Swagman. Got me a two part question. Is it possible that the assassination was the work of bolshevik-anarchists and do you got nude photos of the Archduchess for our page three?

Spokesmanvic: Yes and no. And those were excellent questions. Thank you.

Reporter: Do you feel that the controversial, iconoclastic studies of Freud and the provocative, scathing plays of Arthur Schnitzler offer any predicative insights into the psychology and actions of pre-post-modernist Vienna?

Spokesmanvic: You’re from The New York Times, aren’t you? Yes, the Austrians want to kill us. Interestingly enough, they also want to kill Freud and Schnitzler.

The First Draft

Posted in General, On This Day on February 5th, 2007 by Eugene Finerman – Be the first to comment

The Empress Theodora died¬†some 1400¬†years ago. Hollywood still might not be ready for her. So, how would I sell the ‘concept’…

“Trust me Bubbie-baby (Bubbie-sen in the case of Sony/Columbia), history makes a good story; in fact, that is why it is history! The storyline has sex, intrigue, war, plague, corruption and religion; of course, it can be funny. That’s how I intended it.

“The plot in a sentence? An intelligent prostitute works her way to the throne, where she plots, terrorizes, extorts and kills for the sake of justice, social reform, religious tolerance and governmental efficiency….No, she didn’t morph. The career change took several years.

“Yes, I suppose that there are marketing opportunities; maybe, Hanes could could come out with a line of tunics, or Monsanto could manufacture pre-fab mosaics. The Vandals, Goths and Huns would make great action figures. I’m not so sure about a tie-in with Hallmark; the only cuddly, little characters would be the court eunuchs.

“Theodora is a great role. She is a career woman, a 6th century feminist as well as a recovering nymphomaniac. Yes, I could see Meryl Streep trying her medieval Greek accent; we could call the film ‘Hagia Sophia’s Choice.’ Yes, it could be a vehicle for Brad and Angelina although the Emperor Justinian never did not his own fighting, especially single-handed. True, only three historians would know the difference.

“Music videos? Actually, Gregorian chants came a little later. I suppose if Evita Peron can sing, so can Theodora.

“Yes, I know that science fiction sells better than history. Perhaps we caould set the story in the 33rd century instead of the 6th. We can add the special effects that history lacks. You know, ‘Theodora and the Byzantine Empire’ does have an extraterrestrial ring to it. We can market it as a sequel to Barbarella.”

Who knows? I might end as successful a prostitute as Theodora.