Posts Tagged ‘Hebrew alphabet’

The Morey Code

Posted in General on October 28th, 2010 by Eugene Finerman – 6 Comments

I am learning Hebrew or at least its alphabet.  Worshipping only one God, the Jews had that extra time to come up with 21 vowels.  Those underachieving Greeks and Romans thought five vowels would suffice.  Well, let me say “Eh!’ in 40 different ways.  Yes, my ancestral 21 dashes, slashes and dots are more than aspirates and glottal grunts:  they were the original emoticons!

Using the Morey Code you can express your mood, your health, what you had for dinner–and its phase of digestion.  Knowing the vowels gives a precise interpretation of the Ten Commandments. 

“I am the Lord Your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage.”  Vowels–disbeliefMr. Big Shot!  Probably messhuggah, but if He picks up the check, you play along.

“You shall have no other gods beside Me. You shall not make for yourself any graven image.”  Vowels–derisionFine, save us a fortune in marble.  Besides, who wants a God who looks Jewish.

“You shall not take the name of the Lord Your God in vain.”  Vowels–bewildermentAs if you even had a name.  You’re no Apollo in more than one sense.

“Remember the Sabbath, to keep it holy.”  Vowels–sarcasmFine, the sheep are going to herd themselves.  Maybe you don’t have a busy season but some of us do

“Honor your father and your mother”.  Vowels–ironyObviously, you never met my family!

“You shall not murder.”  Vowels–indignationTry telling this to the Gentiles.

“You shall not commit adultery.”  Vowels–amusementOf course, thinking about it is another matter.

“You shall not steal.”  Vowels–resignationThen try not to raise the Temple dues.

“You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.”  Vowels–martyrdomLying to him is different.  He really thinks his daughter can play the piano.

You shall not covet your neighbor’s house, nor his wife, his man-servant, his maid-servant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is your neighbor’s. Vowels–suspicionDidn’t we already cover this?  Is ten Your lucky number or are You spreading rumors about me and Marcia Weinblatt?

Amen (ironically).