Posts Tagged ‘Exxon Mobil’

Exxon-erate Mobil

Posted in General on August 1st, 2008 by Eugene Finerman – Be the first to comment

AP Business

“HOUSTON – Exxon Mobil says its second-quarter earnings rose nearly 14 percent to $11.68 billion, the biggest quarterly profit ever by any U.S. corporation.”

Denying any semblance to extortion, Exxon Mobil attributed its extra few billions from cancelling its sponsorship of Masterpiece Theater. “You have no idea how expensive that show was” explained the company. “Alastair Cooke demanded free lunch, and he never ordered the cheapest entree. And how would you like to pay the dry cleaning for all those doublets and codpieces on ‘Elizabeth R.’ At least, the costumes on ‘I Claudius’ were just sheets, although that still amounted to a fortune in linen.

“And what about ‘The Forstye Saga’? They had to do it twice? Soak the oil company; we’re too dumb to notice. Well, we finally caught on and stop being robbed by the Royal Shakespeare Cartel.

“So that is the reason Exxon Mobil had a good quarter.”