Posts Tagged ‘Desi Arnaz’

I Pity Lucy

Posted in General, On This Day on November 30th, 2007 by Eugene Finerman – Be the first to comment

This day would have been the 67th wedding of Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz. Unless you are a blind Amish, you have seen episodes of their 1950’s television series. Even today, with our post-Eisenhower sophistication, the show is still quite funny. However, a modern perspective does offer two remarkable revelations. First, oh my God, Lucille Ball was really attractive. Second, yuck, Desi Arnaz was really unbearable.

Even in the 1950s, there was no secret that Desi was talentless and charmless. You had to conclude that Ethel Mertz(Vivian Vance) had better taste in men. Now, however, Desi seems more than just a drag on the show. He is an offensive, abusive pig. We might coin the term “cockpecking.” He is always badgering and bullying that poor lovely woman. “Lucy, where my dinner?” and of course, the immortal “Lucy, you got a lot of ‘splaining to do.” Granted, Lucy Ricardo’s mind isn’t as bright as her hair. Didn’t he notice before the wedding that she could earn him a Green Card but not a membership in Mensa?

Now, if a kindly(?) Jewish liberal has this visceral reaction to such tyrannical Latino machismo, imagine how your typical Republican would respond. We’d have another Spanish-American War. Those old video clips of Ricky Ricardo could well incite one. Most of us really do not care if Juan Carlos or Mario Vargas Llosa are sneaking across the border just to mow our lawns. But we wouldn’t want our sisters or daughters subjugated to these cockpecking Hispanic louts!

So, to protect our borders and women, “I Love Lucy” episodes should be required viewing. (The Justice Department can tell whether or not you are watching.) And, if the series seems a little dated, we can always remake it with Alberto Gonzales and Anne Coulter.