Posts Tagged ‘Dana Jacobson’

Taking the Obscenic Route

Posted in General on January 24th, 2008 by Eugene Finerman – 2 Comments

I do believe that there is a time and place for profanity: certainly, when you are driving. When confronted and endangered by buffoons behind a wheel, I surprise myself with words that I didn’t think I knew. However, while occasionally therapeutic, profanity is no substitute for wit. However, an ESPN personality named Dana Jacobson thought that the ever popular “f” made a wonderful punchline. At a celebrity roast for a sports figure, she recited a litany of who should “f” themselves, including Notre Dame University and Jesus Christ. The irony may be lost on her, but she ended up f-ing herself. Jacobson has been suspended from ESPN for at least a week, and her notoriety will last longer than that. Who knows if she will even keep her job?

Willliam Donahue of the Catholic Legion of Hysteria has called for her firing, preferably at the stake. I generally regard Donahue as a vicious medieval relic. He believes that “Going My Way” should win the Academy Award every year. Yet, I am inclined to agree with him about Dana Jacobson. Given her flagrant irresponsibility and her imbecilic judgment, what can she say that would be of any interest or value to the public? Even by the less than cerebral standards of sportscasting, she is just too stupid. You don’t ever “f” Jesus; I wouldn’t publicly say that about Torquemada. If you are going to be sacrilegious, at least be clever. As a measure of wit, profanity is the equivalent of Chapter 11.

If only Ms. Jacobson has asked me, I would have offered this commentary to an audience of Notre Dame alumni:

When I saw a picture of the shroud of Turin, I was surprised that Jesus wasn’t wearing a Notre Dame t-shirt. Well, actually He was more of a Brandeis type. Let’s face it: Jews are not the best athletes. What sport would the twelve Apostles play? Six chess games. Would you really want Jesus as your quarterback? Yes, He could cure blind referees but He would keep giving the ball to the neediest team. And he would be a disaster for your concession business, feeding 30,000 spectators with one hot dog and a cup of beer.

And since I know what Jews look like–I’m rarely out of sight of a mirror–let me tell you that your “Touchdown Jesus” is all wrong. Here is how you improve that mosaic: give him a loud but expensive jacket, a Rolex watch and some very stylish titanium glasses. Now, there’s a Jew who belongs on a football field…as a sports agent.