Posts Tagged ‘celebrities’

Confessions of an Anachronism

Posted in General on April 29th, 2010 by Eugene Finerman – Be the first to comment

The headline read “People’s Most Beautiful 2010”.  I assumed that it meant the most attractive of the year 2010.  Perusing the article, however, it really refers to 2,010 celebrities.  (I gave up after the first 56.) 

But why was I reading such inane fluff in the first place?  Of course, I could huff myself into a self-righteous indignation and exclaim that “today’s gossip is tomorrow’s history”.  But, to be honest, I was in a masochistic mood and I wanted to feel ancient.  Would I even know who these beautiful specimens of gossip fodder were?  Well, I did recognize everyone over 40.  (Only one was older than me:  bless you Meryl Streep.)  Julia Roberts, Jennifer Aniston, Johnny Depp, Robin Wright–yes, I am actually familiar with them.

I also could recognize some of the 30 year-olds:  Jennifer Garner, Reese Witherspoon,  Charlize Theron, Drew Barrymore–my eyesight still is maintaining a heterosexual perspective even if the rest of me is atrophying–oh, and Jake Gyllenhaal.  But in most cases, the names were either completely unknown or only vaguely identifiable.  I know that Zoe Saldana played in a popular cartoon; face it, her part of ‘Avatar’ was a cartoon.  And Kim Kardashian is famous for a sex tape and a reality TV series (or is that the one in the same?)  But who are Bradley Cooper, Sofia Vergara and Isaiah Mustafa? 

I might know a 20 year-old if he or she has made an appearance on The Daily Show.  Robert Pattison certainly impressed me: he plays a vampire when he really is a zombie.  Well, catatonia must be more sensual than I realized.  But I have no idea as to the identity or significance of Katy Perry, Amanda Seyfried, Jessica Szohr and Justin Bieber.

(However, the names of Zoe and Justin may indicate a revival of Byzantine chic.  How can I cash in?  We’ll know that the Byzantines are really “retro” when children are being named Basil, Theodora and Nikephoros.)

But further reading the People list, I see that the beautiful include Kelly Osbourne, Gabourney Sidibe–and that victim of the Mengele school of plastic surgery–Meg Ryan.  I know what they look like, and “beautiful” ain’t the word.  What is the magazine’s criterion for pulchritude?  Perhaps all these celebrities have never threatened “People”  with a lawsuit?  I guess that’s what makes them beautiful.