Posts Tagged ‘Anna Nicole Smith’

Diet Valkyrie

Posted in General on March 11th, 2010 by Eugene Finerman – 3 Comments

Anna Nicole Smith Opera Taking the Stage

BBC News reports composer Mark-Anthony Turnage and writer Richard Thomas, along with London’s Royal Opera House will put on a stage performance about the larger-than-life former Playboy model Anna Nicole Smith, who died in 2007 of an accidental prescription drug overdose.

Donizetti composed “Anna Bolena“.  This could be “Anna Bulimia“.

Act I:  Anna is a waitress at a Texas truckstop.  She introduces herself with the aria:  “Che Gelida Manina” (Check out my jello).  There she is discovered by a starving Chicago artist Ugo Efneri who paints her portrait “Madonna of the Big Tomatoes.”

Act II:  Now famous on pasta jar labels, Anna is seen regularly on the talkshow of Lorenzo Reggio.  In his 800 years, he has never seen a woman more beautiful or one that made him seem so intelligent.  Lorenzo asks Anna to be his 47th wife.  She replies  in the aria “Bella figlia dell’amore” (More Figs Are Lovely) that she prefers food to men and flees to a Carmelite convent, expecting to find caramels.

Act III:  Hoping to increase her metabolism by ingesting 50 pounds of drugs a hour, Anna sings “Un bel dì” (Unbelly Diet.)  That doesn’t work.  Her last wish was to be covered in gingerbread and left as a cottage in a German forest. 

But that’s another opera…

Ironically, today is the anniversary of an excellent opera.