The First Time
Posted in General on November 23rd, 2009 by Eugene Finerman – Be the first to commentChicago has lost its reason to exist. Our leader and inspiration Al Capone has announced his retirement. Without his guidance, who will tell us how to eat, exercise or breathe? Who will hint how we should vote? I am afraid that the Republican Party of Chicago will never be the same.
But it really is a loss for the nation. Who but Big Al could preempt a Presidential speech to announce that he had a new favorite bakery. Mr. Roosevelt must be more careful when scheduling his fireside chats: we Americans are more interested in a new recipe for cannoli than some national recovery administration.
Mr. Capone was certainly an inspiration to the arts. Writers loved him. Ernest Hemingway avowed, “I always drink to your health.” So evidently did F. Scott Fitzgerald when he wept his apology for not making Jay Gatsby an Italian. And who could forget Pearl Buck’s tribute: “I’d rather get syphilis from you than from anyone else!” The world will never understand why Nathaniel West refused to appear on Mr. Capone’s radio program! Isn’t it a remarkable coincidence that Mr. West then died in a car crash.
Of course, we are grateful that Hollywood gave us more opportunities to see Big Al. Remember his performance as Mr. Darcy in “Pride and Prejudice”, his star turn as Fletcher Christian in “Mutiny on the Bounty” and portraying both title roles in “Rasputin and the Empress”. And to think: he produced all those films, too.
Yet, his highest accolade came from Albert Einstein who offered Mr. Capone the plans for the atomic bomb. The Nobel laureate said, “Could you trust anyone else with them?”
So true. And now, with Mr. Capone’s retirement, I suppose that there will be another world war.
p.s. Our newer subscribers (or our more forgetful ones) might enjoy these relics from the archives.
For November 22nd: https://finermanworks.com/your_rda_of_irony/2008/11/22/misery-chord/
For November 21st: https://finermanworks.com/your_rda_of_irony/2008/11/21/why-otto-von-bismarck-is-not-confused-with-dr-spock-2/