Posts Tagged ‘Vancouver’

Canadtonia: The Vancouver Wither Olympics

Posted in General on February 13th, 2010 by Eugene Finerman – 5 Comments

“I’m sorry you had nothing better to do, but welcome anyway to our coverage of the Winter Olympics here, someplace in Canada.  I’m Bob Costas, along with Matt Lauer.”

Matt:  “Thanks, Bob.  Did you know that Canada is the second largest country in the world, and that no two snow flakes are alike.  I have slides to prove it.” 

Bob:  The Opening Ceremonies for this, the 21st Winter Olympics, begin with an explanation how Vancouver is different from Calgary.

Matt:  You’d think that Calgary was named for two people, but it actually is named for a place in Scotland. 

Bob:  Following the three-minute tribute to Canadian history, there will be the procession of the Olympic teams.  Twenty-three teams are here, representing 112 countries.  For example, Norway has volunteered to be proxy for Uruguay, Qatar, Laos, Benin and Portugal.  If someone provides the flag, the Norwegians will carry it.  Yes, it is a scam but as long as the Canadians don’t know, they won’t be hurt. 

Matt:  You’d be surprised how many famous people are actually Canadian.  Three of the first four actresses to win Academy Awards were Canadian.

Bob:  Mary Pickford, Norma Shearer, and–I’ll guess– Marie Dressler.

Matt:  Well, I don’t know.  The staff didn’t provide me with those notes. 

Bob:  Our viewers probably can see one of their movies on Turner Classic Movies right now.  God knows, I wish I could.

Matt:  Canada is also famous for its red-coated Mounted Police, popularly known as the Mounties.

Bob:  I bet we could get some up here if I made a death threat against the Premier.  

Matt:  That would be Stephen Harper.

Bob:  And four hours of this broadcast left.  I think we’re ready for your slide show of snow flakes.  Will the last person in the stadium please remember to light the Olympic torch? 

p.s.  Here, from the archives, are the Beijing Olympics: