Posts Tagged ‘Iott’

Dressed to Kill

Posted in General on October 15th, 2010 by Eugene Finerman – 2 Comments

Republican congressional candidate Rich Iott is bewildered by the hostile reaction to his fondness for Nazi SS uniforms.  The poor man just couldn’t think of another way to express his enthusiasm for beer and marzipan.  Well, I can empathize.  After watching “Going My Way”, I thought it perfectly natural to impersonate Torquemada.  (His way of getting people to reach high notes was as effective as Bing Crosby’s.)  The restraining order from the Archdiocese has persuaded me otherwise.  Now wiser, I can suggest to Mr. Iott a number of historical roles where he still get away with mass murder. 

For instance, he could be a Crusader.  Both the costumes and religious wars are chic.  Even if Mr. Iott can’t find any Saracen impersonators, he can always stage a siege of  Dearborn, Michigan.  He can also attack colleges as bastions of heresy.  (The Cathars really weren’t liberals, but none of them are left to protest.  That Crusade was a success.)  The Greek Orthodox are also fair game; robbing a coffee shop could be considered a reenactment of sacking Constantinople.  As for the Jews, those massacres are well past the statute of limitations; Eric Cantor might offer his endorsement as well as thanks for not killing him.

But if Iott would like a historical role that expresses family values, hatred of liberals, and a successful healthcare policy, he should impersonate Catherine de Medici.  Having nine children and sponsoring the massacre of Huguenots, Catherine de Medici embodies the Republican pro-life platform.  She also is remembered for her innovative way of providing medicine.  Laced into books and gloves as well as delicious additions to meals, her pharmaceutical treatments were remarkably effective.  Mr. Iott could recommend a similar program for Medicare and Medicaid recipients.

And if Mr. Iott tires of portraying Catherine de Medici, he can use the same dress to impersonate J. Edgar Hoover.

p.s.  Let’s not forget the historic significance of this day: