Sunday Sundry
Herman Cain Attacked 47 People With a Chainsaw
Responding to charges that he was a serial killer, the Herman Cain explained that the chainsaw was made in China. “This is the inferior type of product made there. I was just trying to slice pepperoni for pizza, but that foreign chainsaw kept malfunctioning.”
This admission contradicted his previous statement questioning the word ‘serial.’ “Flash Gordon was a serial; every Saturday matinee, Flash would fight against the socialist liberalism of the Emperor Ming. If that made Flash a killer, it was standing up for what is right about America. Now, my only serial is singing in the church choir every Sunday. Do you have something against God?”
But with the evidence that Godfather’s Pizza had settled 47 law suits, candidate Cain explained his memory lapse. “I thought that you were referring to the survivors of the malfunctioning Chinese chainsaw accidents.” Obviously those 12 people were not killed–despite their clumsiness. Now why would they put both legs in front of a chainsaw? You’d think that they did it deliberately to sue a God-fearing, hard-working, self-made businessman. This country needs tort reform.”
On the news that Herman Cain was a serial killer, polls indicated a surge in his popularity among Republican voters. Explaining Cain’s 62% approval rating, Republican high priestess Ann Coulter said, “He at least knows what to do to the unemployed.”
It has since been reported that Willard Mitt Romney was shopping for a chainsaw, but he couldn’t find anyone to wait on him.
p.s. Let’s not forget the historic significance of this week
November 7: Doctor Zhivago Gets a Plot–https://finermanworks.com/your_rda_of_irony/2009/11/07/fool-russians-where-engels-feared-to-tread/
November 10: Southern Hospitality–https://finermanworks.com/your_rda_of_irony/2009/11/10/abu-ghraib-is-arabic-for-andersonville/
November 11: Veterans Day at the Movies https://finermanworks.com/your_rda_of_irony/2008/11/11/veterans-day-at-the-movies/