On This Day in 1914
June 28, 1914: Belgrade
The Serbian Press Secretary opened the news conference with this statement.
“The Serbian government was sad to learn that the Archduke Franz Ferdinand and his wife the Archduchess Sophia shot each other today. We wish that they had found a more peaceful way to solve their marital problems.”
I will now answer your questions.
Reporter: Eyewitnesses report that the couple was assassinated by a terrorist linked to Serbia. Is the Serbian government denying any connection to this terrorist organization?
Spokesmanvic: There have been so many assassinations and it is just pointless and malicious to allege that this government had any knowledge, link or responsibility for the murder of President McKinley.
Reporter: The Austrian government is accusing Serbia of supporting terrorists.
Spokesmanvic: Look, this “event” probably was a carjacking that got out of hand. If the conspiracy-paranoids in Austria need a culprit, they should accuse Mexico. There is no question that the Mexicans killed the Archduke Maximilian, and a Chicano street gang may have killed Franz Ferdinand as a member initiation.
Reporter: I’m Clive Murdoch of the Melbourne Swagman. Got me a two part question. Is it possible that the assassination was the work of bolshevik-anarchists and do you have nude photos of the Archduchess for our page three?
Spokesmanvic: Yes and no. And those were excellent questions.
Reporter: Do you feel that the controversial, iconoclastic studies of Freud and the provocative, scathing plays of Arthur Schnitzler offer any predicative insights into the psychology and actions of pre-post-modernist Vienna?
Spokesmanvic: You’re from The New York Times, aren’t you? Yes, the Austrians want to kill us. Interestingly enough, they also want to kill Freud and Schnitzler.
After all, the Archduke’s last words were, “It is nothing.”