FinermanWorks

From the desk of Roger Ailes

Why the hurry to get rid of Osama bin Laden’s body?  Who knows what the DNA might have revealed?  Get Frank Luntz to research whether our audience prefers Osama to be the father or the twin brother of Obama.   

Also, wasn’t the public entitled to see the body?  What a great exhibit at the Smithsonian!  And imagine what the Disney folks could do with animatronics!   So much better than taxidermy.  The corpse could have been programmed to dance or say liberal things.  That’s the problem with this administration: no sense of entertainment.  It would rather raise taxes than charge admission. 

How’s this…Obama shortchanges the AMERICAN public because he is sensitive/squeamish about terrorist/Moslem corpses.  Here is something from the research department (good idea hiring Jeopardy hasbeens):  Arabs have no respect for Western corpses!   I see Gretchen Carlson saying this….

In 260 the Roman Emperor Valerian invaded Persia.  He must have been looking for weapons of mass destruction, because he and his army certainly found them.  At least the Emperor survived but as a prisoner. The Persian Shah used Valerian as a footstool. Since it was not a pampered captivity, Valerian soon died and then began his second career. He was stuffed and mounted as a public trophy.

(Note to programming:  change Emperor to President and Shah to tyrant.  Makes it easier for our audience to empathize.)

But Obama wouldn’t do that, cheating the American public of their trophy!  And the President Valerian comparison–repeatedly stressed– makes Obama seem either pro-Iranian or Anti-Italian.  Hell, why not both!  Our viewers can manage two phobias at once.

Next topic:  Baseball programming.  Cover left field less often than right, and make sure it looks worse.

Having offended two major religions (well, one actually is minor but old and pushy), I wouldn’t want to overlook Islam.  Every year at this time, there usually is a holiday greeting from Osama Bin Laden. 

 

BIN LADEN URGES AMERICANS TO CONVERT TO ISLAM

And here is the infomercial.

Tired of being an infidel? Wish you had a friend at OPEC? Well, what’s stopping you! Become a Moslem! We’d love to have you!

Convert now and take advantage of this special introductory offer.

A CD of the Koran, ululated by Cat Stevens.

A kaffiyeh for you and four burkahs for your wives, designed by Islam Dior.

And a Jihad Scimitar Set–with a blade for every occasion: decapitations, circumcisions and minced figs!

Just call our toll-free number. We have mullahs waiting to take your soul.

So, the next time I turn to Mecca, I hope to see your backside.

p.s.  Let’s not forget Hinduism and this day’s historic significance:  https://finermanworks.com/your_rda_of_irony/2009/12/04/pyromantic-2/