An Innocent Abroad
London: Today Mitt and Ann Romney met with Queen Elizabeth. Mr. Romney warned Her Majesty, “Now, don’t you burn the White House when I am President.” Adding to the hilarity of the moment, he then playfully punched the Queen in the stomach. Mrs. Romney expressed her satisfaction with Buckingham Palace and told the Queen to get out. “It’s our turn now.” Following a minute or two of Mr. Romney’s nervous laughter, the Queen playfully hit him in the face and said “Next time, bring the horse instead.”
Tel Aviv: In a precautionary press release, the Romney campaign stated that “we acknowledge major differences between Obamacare and the Final Solution, so please disregard any comparisons that might be made.”
Greeting the hundreds of Adelson employees flown in to applaud him, Mr. Romney exclaimed “It is great to be with people who appreciate money. I have been told that our horse Ralfaca sounds like it has a Hebrew name. Who knows? Maybe it really wants to pull a junk wagon.”
The Romney campaign had no comment but agreed to pay for the stained glass Chagall windows that Mrs. Romney had taken from the Knesset.
Warsaw: In a preemptive press release, the Romney campaign denied that the candidate would ever use the word “Pollack or ask how many it took to screw in a light bulb.” However, any diplomatic gaffes were avoided when the Warsaw Airport, claiming to be Kiev, diverted the Romney plane with flight directions to Paris.
A stunned Romney said, “But I admire the Polish people. They have the same religion as my lawn service.” Ann chided her husband, “I told you we should have landscaped our estates with Hermes scarves.”