This is how the ad began…
Must foster an inclusive work environment and respect all aspects of diversity. Must demonstrate and value differences in others’ strengths, perspectives,…
As the Senior Communications Manager you must be equally willing to lie to the Wall Street Journal and the New York Times (although the Journal is usually willing to lie for us). You must respect the diversity of our corporate vice presidents–showing the same groveling deference to the morons in marketing and the gnomes in legal. (You are free to hope that they kill each other, but you cannot pick sides.) Your writing must show an ecumenical incoherence; it wouldn’t be fair if anyone understood our annual report.
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes DivorcingDominic Strauss-Kahn and Wife Divorcing
You don’t think that this is a coincidence. We can rule out a Tom and Dominic combination. Dominic has never shown that inclination; and if Tom had an appetite for decrepit old Jews, wouldn’t he be hitting on the cast of “Curb Your Enthusiasm.” But what about Anne Strauss-Kahn and Tom? Who wouldn’t fantasize seducing the chairlady of Paris’ Hadassah? But Tom does have one standard/fixation and Anne fails it miserably–she is shorter than he is. (I know that seems physically impossible, but it is true.) And Tom likes his women towering over him. What about an Anne and Katie situation? Imagine “Facts of Life” with Charlotte Rae and Nancy McKeon that way…Showtime is probably working on the remake right now!
Nonetheless the most probable combination is Dominic and Katie. He probably offered to help her with her GED, and you can guess what happened next. (“Let moi demonstrate the plot of ‘Madame Bovary’.”) And aside from the chance of getting an A, why would Katie allow such a thing to happen? After Scientology, anything seems improvement.
p.s. Let’s not forget the historic significance of this day: http://finermanworks.com/your_rda_of_irony/2008/03/31/cheeri-opium/