Doing Business With Mitt
Romney Encourages Rivals to Fold
Dear Newton,
Well, this certainly been a nifty competition. It reminds me of my wild times at Harvard Business, and those all-night Risk games. Being MBAs, we developed a more sophisticated version–with navies and sweatshops. But you and I have gotten to a point in this game where I command all the countries, and Sheldon Adelson can’t buy you any new continents.
So, let’s discuss your severance package. If you quit now AND endorse me, I promise you that moon colony. Yes, I will name it for you, and give you complete control. But building that colony–and first getting the money from the Chinese–will take the better part of two terms. So, what can I offer you in the meantime? You know my daughters-in-law and nieces are younger than Callista.
Yours (if you are practical),
Mitt
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Dear Richard,
Well, this certainly has been a nifty competition. And now I think that you should give up this election for Lent. It is what Jesus would want. (Yes, we posthumously converted him, too.) If you quit and endorse me, I would love to have you as my Attorney General. Or Grand Inquisitor. We can change the job title. Of course, we will have to agree beforehand on the definition of heresy. Please, not all college graduates; maybe just the liberal arts majors. (I am little more pro-science than you are.)
Besides, Grand Inquisitor is just a temp job for you. Benedict XVI is not going to live forever. I can promise that Bain Capital would be very happy to support you in that election. The firm would be fine with some Raphaels and Michelangelos, and maybe a few cathedrals converted into condos; we already have the buyers in China.
It is win-win. Me in this world, and you in the next.
Mitt