Your RDA of Irony

For Whom The Belch Tolls

I am a hyperchrondriac.  Even if both my legs were broken and, for a little extra excitement, I had a punctured lung and was somewhat disemboweled,  my attitude still would be “Oh don’t bother the doctor; let’s wait to see if it becomes serious.”  Really, I am not frightened of doctors.  I just hate embarrassing myself.  And, let’s face it, coughing up blood and trailing intestines are rather gauche.

When I was on Jeopardy (you didn’t know?), my chief terror was not stage fright, sudden amnesia or even 12 categories on sports.  No, it was burping.  “Alex, Who is Fyodor Dost–erruuucckkk.”  Yes, I have an unfortunate tendency to erupt.  I am not a virtuoso at that common manifestation of virility; I would barely qualify for a frat house choir–let alone get a scholarship at Dartmouth.  But my burps could be mistaken for an early symptom of demonic possession.

So, why am I divulging this?  First, misery not only loves company but insists on it.  More importantly, I am now subsisting on tea and broth to avoid any culinary detonators.  Tomorrow evening is Rosh HaShanah, the Jewish New Year, and I will be part of the Temple Choir.  I don’t want my burp to compete with the shofar.  Yes, in the last 4000 years, worse things have happened to the Jews; but this time I would be the cause. 

Let me interrupt my paranoia to wish a Happy Birthday to Queen Elizabeth I:  http://finermanworks.com/your_rda_of_irony/2009/09/07/tudor-tutorial-2/

  1. Michele says:

    Have a lovely Rosh Hashanah. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that the burps hold off until after your meal.

  2. Peg Pruitt says:

    L’shanah tovah, Eugene.

    • Rene says:

      You’ll be fine.

      • Eugene Finerman says:

        Rene,

        Thank you. My cough muffled my burps. If Israel Bonds had “Schlemiel of the Year” I certainly would be a contender.

        Meg and Michele,

        Thank you. If you were still practicing Druids I could wish you a Happy New Year next month.

        The rest of you:

        No New Year’s Wishes–are you Anti-Semitic? Of course, I probably caused it.

        Eugene

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