Your RDA of Irony

Elena Kagan’s Hearing–MTV version

Senator Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III (really):  Miss Kagan, we in Alabama believe in the Christian institution of marriage, and I understand you New York people have something similar.  But you’re not married.  Now I’m not gonna ask if you’re some sort of pervert but I think that the other Justices of the Supreme Court oughta know if they’re safe sharing a bench with you.

Elena Kagan:  I appreciate your interest in my sex life.  I wish I had some interest in it, too.  Let me explain why I’m not married….

Where have all the Goodmans gone,

At least the wed-able

willing Jewish paragon

who’s not too Oedipal?

Where’s that Mr. Rightstein who J-Date said I’d find?

Am I asking for so much–a CPA Einstein

 

(chorus)

I need a Hebrew.

I’m holding out for a Hebrew for the sake of the tribe.

He’ll be bright and adept

and can read right to left.

Why can’t Superman be circumcized?

I need a Hebrew.

I’m holding out for a Hebrew, Talmudic and wise,

with Kosher gametes

and’s in Dun & Bradstreet.

I’m so ripe for that stereotype.

 

Somewhere there’s a Semite

who suppose to marry me.

But my demographic plight,

he wants a thin, blonde valkyrie!

I’ve twice her body mass and three times her I.Q.

I’d let him have his mannequin but first please wed the Jew!

 

(chorus)

I need a Hebrew.

I’m holding out for a Hebrew for the sake of the tribe.

He’ll be bright and adept

and can read right to left.

Why can’t Superman be circumcized?

I need a Hebrew.

I’m holding out for a Hebrew, Talmudic and wise,

with Kosher gametes

and’s in Dun & Bradstreet.

I’m so ripe for that stereotype.

 

My ticking clock says we should rush to wedlock

while my estrogen’s still in stock.

Don’t stop here after 4000 years.

Persevere.

 

The bad dates and the slurs I’ve endured.

No, I’m not the L word.

My libido’s not skewed.

There’s a He in Hebrew.

 

(chorus)

 

(With apologies to Bonnie Tyler, but since the song was written by James Steinman of New York–he’d understand.  And would it have killed him to ask Elena Kagan out.)

  1. […] p.s.  Was my musical parody that bad? I thought it would be on YouTube by now.   http://finermanworks.com/your_rda_of_irony/2010/06/17/elana-kagans-hearing-mtv-version/ […]

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