The Ptomaine Entree
First, I want to wish a Happy Summer Solstice to all my pagan readers. The day meant little to my desert ancestors: “Hey, Abe. God is giving us another two minutes of daylight and heat prostration.”
And I doubt that the ancient Celtic ancestors would have been especially thrilled with the solstice. “Och, we have another two minutes to enjoy our picturesque destitution.” (You have to be desperate to even think of fermenting peat, although the results seem to be effectively numbing.)
Let’s face it: the Summer Solstice was just the Greeks and Italians coming up with any excuse for an orgy.
And since it is now summer, let’s discuss food spoilage. (There was a time I would have thought about women in bikinis.) Francis Bacon knew there was a correlation between cold temperatures and food preservation, so he began a scientific study of the phenomenon. In his experiment of packing a chicken with snow, Bacon unfortunately discovered a correlation between cold, bronchitis and death.
However, history does not know who first made the correlation. It had to be someone who actually was familiar with cold and hot seasons, and observed–perhaps barely surviving–the climatic effects on food spoilage. Was it some Roman sentry along Hadrian’s Wall, who noticed that there was less morta in mortadella? Was it a Hun who discovered his raw horse jerky was less enjoyable in Italy than on the Steppes? I wonder if some Hun or Vandal shaman even gave health lectures to the troops…
MEN DON’T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU!
Barbarian Warrior: Sacking Rome is exhausting work. I could use a lunch break. Say, this restaurant looks tempting. Let’s loot it.
Shaman: Yes, those sausages look good, but who knows what’s lurking inside them? The Romans can’t put up a defense, but their food could kill you. So, if you must have meat this far south, make sure that it is still alive when you bite it.
Indeed, some of the barbarians apparently were quite worried about food poisoning. Believing that any taste was a sign of spoilage, the Angle-Saxons insisted on boiling everything until it was a pulp. However, the Franks went to the other extreme. They actually liked what mold can do to food. Ce botulisme est delicieuse! The idea of the Petri dish probably originated at Cordon Bleu.
p.s. And for the Fathers here, here is a gift from the archives. You probably could be worse: http://finermanworks.com/your_rda_of_irony/2008/06/15/fodder-for-fathers-day/
So That’s why all the bland English food-who knew?! I’m also edified to learn about the un-making of Bacon! Your article on the potato blight was very well done. To this day most people assume potatoes came from Ireland and shout me down as QE I when I say they were from America …Although Not your fine writing, the article on Amelia Earhart was good too in that magazine. I’m up to 14 people in Md who knew her and have shared anecdotes with me. I’m playing her for the Smithsonian Sleepovers-I’m sure kids are disappointed Amelia’s not as ditzy as Amy Adams version of her. And I certainly can’t fill out skin-tight pants the way she does!
Dear Mary Ann,
BOSS Magazine is very well-done; in fact, it is the best employee magazine I have seen. Most employee magazines seem to be incestuous and monotonous: read about our latest improvements in inventory distribution, and meet our newest vice president of Human Resourses (he is only one of 37). BOSS knows the world is extends beyond the company parking lot, and it treats the reader with respect, offering articles that deserve to be read.
As for your performance as Amelia Earhart, at least be grateful that you won’t have to be love scenes with Ben Stiller.
Eugene