Your RDA of Irony

Killer Shopping Bags

No good deed goes unpunished.  In your conscientious regard for the environment, you may eschew the use of plastic bags–which only end up cluttering landfills for the next three eternities.  Instead, you noble soul will tote from store to store a reusable bag.  And now you wonder why you have food poisoning, allergies, boils, infections and asthma.  Blame the shopping bag.  It may like the environment but it hates you.

According to the Environment and Plastics Industry Council of Canada, those reusable bags are “a breeding ground for bacteria and pose a public health risk.”  And remember this is in Canada, where the climate is the role model for refrigerators.  If mold and bacteria can thrive in shopping bags there, imagine the Petri buffet you are lugging around. 

Of course, you may doubt the Plastic Industry Council’s purely objective perspective.  Nonetheless, it might be prudent if you observe the following precautions:

Do not eat directly from the shopping bag.  It is not intended to be a feed bag–even if the handles fit around your ears.

Do not wear a reusable bag as a hat–even if you are caught in the rain.  At worse, you will only have drenched hair and running hair dye; that is still preferable to the leprosy that is lurking at the bottom of the bag.

Remember to wash the reusable bag every time that you use it for underwear.

Now if you fail to observe these precautions and succumb to something horrible, look on the bright side.  At least you are bio-degradable.

p.s.  And let’s not forget the historic significance of this day:  http://finermanworks.com/your_rda_of_irony/2007/05/28/navy-blues/

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