Your RDA of Irony

If Only Lou Dobbs Could Find A Scandinavian Lawn Service…

From what I can discern, there are three different approaches to the Immigration question.

The Republicans would expel all illegal aliens as well as anyone who sides with the Sharks in “West Side Story.” Any apprehended alien would be harvested for donor organs, and the remains of his body will feed the alligators in the new, transcontinental Rio Grande moat.

The Democrats would offer all illegal aliens a handwritten apology for the Treaty of Guadalope-Hidalgo. (A translation will be provided for Polish cleaning ladies.) Furthermore, the Senate is considering a rewards program based on the number of miles that illegal aliens travel. Anyone who accumulates 25,000 miles will receive a green card. So, it would encourage “surprise visitors” (the Democrats’ term) to go to Minnesota or Alaska rather than all those states with Hispanic names.

Finally, there is the President’s “Patrioting the Border” initiative. As part of this security measure, the Commandude announced that he was moving Mexico’s northern border to the Yucatan peninsula. Pointing to a Risk board that he borrowed from Vice President Cheney, the President pointed out how much smaller a Yucatan boundary would be. “Lookee here.”

Reporters noted that this measure would actually incorporate one hundred million Mexicans into the United States. The reporters were subsequently arrested. On Faux News, the Vice President explained that Mexico had never really been a national state but simply the result of Spanish coercion. “This is Madrid’s problem.” But acknowledging the difficulty of 100 million people floating to Barcelona, Cheney said that “some would be welcomed to stay here.”

Recalling a guest workers program of the past, Cheney suggested “If these people are working to do a couple centuries of pro bono work and learn at least six Stephen Foster songs, I don’t see why they would not qualify for three/fifths of a citizen.”

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