Putting the Awe in Autopsy
“DOCUMENTARY SHOWS POSSIBLE JESUS TOMB
Filmmakers and researchers on Monday unveiled two ancient stone boxes they said may have once contained the remains of Jesus and Mary Magdalene, but several scholars derided the claims made in a new documentary as unfounded and contradictory to basic Christian beliefs.
“The Lost Tomb of Jesus,” produced by Oscar-winning director James Cameron and scheduled to air March 4 on the Discovery Channel, argues that 10 small caskets, called ossuaries, discovered in 1980 in a Jerusalem suburb may have held the bones of Jesus and his family.”
Cameron announced the finding of Jesus’ business card, advertising the services of a “carpenter, public speaker and leper therapist.”
James Cameron? Jesus must be down on His luck. Just imagine what a better director would have discovered….
Walking in the Little Italy section of Rome, Director Martin Scorsese found the body of Jesus. The literal Godfather had been shot in the head six times and His body stuffed in the trunk of a chariot.
Opening the exhibit of “Sex Toys of Antiquity” at the Baltimore Art Institute and Flea Market, Director John Waters announced the discovery of Jesus’ body and an even bigger surprise! “Actually, the name should be Jessica Christine.”
Swimming through rivers of lava, fighting through hordes of demons, and balancing his shooting schedule with the demands of the Royal Shakespeare Company, Peter Jackson found the pixels of Jesus.
Michael Moore announced that Jesus had been killed by a right-wing conspiracy of the Military-Industrial Complex. (Actually, we already knew that.)