Hastings Makes Wastings
Mistaking English cuisine for chemical warfare, in 1066 William of Normandy liberated England from English rule. The Duke also improved upon his nickname, William the Bastard.
This day is the anniversary of the Battle of Hastings. So, if you see a forlorn WASP, say something nice about Jane Austen.
Or, you could sing this musical tribute to the late King Harold Godwinson. I have borrowed the melody of “Smoke Gets in Your Eyes” so expect the grandchildren of Jerome Kern to sue me.
Harold’s Song
‘Gainst Bill of Normandy,
Anglo-Saxony’s
Bravest earls and thralls
Stood against the Gauls’
Claims to monarchy
When Angle-Saxons strive
They’re allowed to try
Axes or swords for duels,
But they’ll break the rules
Arrowing an eye.
On our side
By this rule we’d abide.
Eye gouging is just done.
But Norse code
Allows that ghastly mode:
Shooting a hole in one.
Now Norman lords deride
Angle-Saxon pride.
What’s more I won’t see
Bayeux’s tapestry
Arrowed in the eye.
Damn!
If Bryan Ferry doesn’t record this, he’s no claim to any sort of Britishness!
Further proof of the cultural superiority of at least one member of the American nation to the remainder of an English speaking world still working on the deeper meaning of “Mares Eat Oats/And Does Eat Oats/And Little Lambs/Eat Ivy.”
(A Bob’ll eat ivy, too! Wouldn’t you)